Wednesday, January 18, 2006


So it's a divine 3 in the morning & insomnia has my head wrapped tighter than 2 yards of kente. Most of the time, it just bees that way. Ever since my childhood quite honestly.

The King & eye actually attempted to retire together about 45 minutes ago, but he drifted off & here eye sit at the PC. The same discussion that sent him into a hog's call, left me wandering off into past experiences. Just as tears began to stream from the recollections, he joined with dreams & eye found myself replaying a real life nightmare over & over in my mind.

The same big pink lips that have haunted me since around 4 or 5 showed up, once again, to remind me from where much of my constant hurt, anger, & pain ultimately derive -


An interesting looking game that conquered more than water vehicles or enemy fleet as it pertains. It was my inquisitiveness regarding that specific challenge that gave my first predator his outlet in which to sink me.

My grandmother, my primary guardian since inception, took me to this monsters house, morning after morning, not knowing the depth of the dive. His mother & sister were my baby-sitters, & it seems he felt that he had a role to play, too. On several occasions, eye would be dropped off at this house just a few doors away from my own, only to be sent into the basement/den to watch television until my sitters were fully woke. As his sleeping area was in that space, which eye later understood to be a true & living hell, he felt that anyone occupying his territory was his property.

To say the very least, he had his way with me, as if eye were a fully developed woman. To this day eye see him, smell him, feel him way back in my dark, nightly thoughts. Those pink lips haunt me like the "checheche" sound that precedes Jason. That experience forever re-routed the course of my life & that nasty, pink-lipped bastard still maintains the power to rob my body of decent rest. That really sucks & pisses me completely off!

Unfortunately, way too many females around the world sympathize with this common pattern of sleeplessness as a result of similar situations. Unfortunately, way too many fellas have actually been a participant in like instances. All told, at this moment, eye am using this journal as a means of awareness, not pity or sympathy, or accusation even. But these are the types of mentions that so many of us fail to make though it's a fact of life for many, at some point or another on this journey.

Please take this offering not into your nightmare people, but into your consciousness. Wake up, sleepy heads. Many of your hardcore ladies are already half dead.

Too real? Hey, maybe this isn't the blog for you.


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