Saturday, September 30, 2006


It's 3:13 in the morning in Nashville right now (as Maczine displays). Here eye sit in a hotel off of Interstate Exit 313 in Pennsylvania, giddy with excitement. Everyone else is sleeping, but the anticipation of returning to my preadolescent town for the first time in more than 20 years has me twisting & turning in the sheets.

The typing must have a subconscious effect on the noise-level as Kana(9) & Magnificent(2) just woke up at the same time in a slight frenzy. Kush(5) must dream of dreadlocks because he sleeps like his gorgeous locks look much of the time - all over the place.

Anyway, it just feels so good to be "home". They [do not exist] say it's where your heart is, so seemingly there must be a piece of "me" still tied to Harrisburg. More ironically, it's one of the connections that my love & eye made early in our friendship ('93-'94) since he also spent key developmental years in PA attending boarding school. Sure feels right to be around these parts. Thanks to the business of music, we made it!


Wednesday, September 27, 2006


weed (n).- a wild plant growing where it is not wanted and in competition with cultivated plants

With a blow of the wonderful wind, a wacky weed can plant right at your front gate. We sometimes so marvel at the beauty of the weed flower that we allow it to exist; us, ignoring the harm being done to the earth - underneath the surface. Weeds plant themselves on the most fertile grounds. In order to destroy a weed, it has to be attacked at the root. Weed killer is the primary remedy across the lands.

At our home next door, the barbwire fence was so covered with that creepin' ivy, that we worked for two autumn seasons to rid our yard of the weed. Supposedly ivy is a notorious refuge for rats and other undesirable vermin. Think: pet possum. While we never saw the possum when living next door, neither could we have imagined the city-street view that now pokes through each partition of the fence. Free & clear - of weeds.

We have no fence at our current den. Still, weeding season yet again. Once the herbicide sprayed and the weeds are dead, eye hope to plant a flower bed.


Friday, September 22, 2006

The revamped presentation of (due later in the year) will be formatted through Wordpress from what my designer tells me. Having used the free version Blogger since 2002, his news - a change celebrated. MY HUSBAND has been properly linked up in the previous post. Error corrected.


Thursday, September 21, 2006


Photo credit :Adrian Constant


Wednesday, September 20, 2006


The circle - thick like Sunny D. 360 degrees encapulates a miraculous manifestation. In Black American Christian circles we are taught to call on our "prayer warriors" for strength when we lack the power to create change in our own space. Prayer warriors have carried me through another battle. Life has truly had it's way with my family over theses past few years. The past two weeks has been especially enduring. But out of the storm comes a beautiful rainbow - this eye see before me.


Monday, September 18, 2006


When you have children, you have to reprogram your mind to consider them in all things. ALL THINGS! The same is true in a marriage. To be able to do so, you have to train yourself from the standard "me, me, me" selfish outlook on life to be "big enough" to put self aside. As more children pass through this womb, this has become easier for me to do over time. There's something natural in it that takes little work, but it's also a forced conscious effort much of the time. Primarily because of outside influences which come from every direction not usually with the "best intentions", but their own selfish motives. Creator forbid that you surround self with those without children who only have to look inward on a daily basis. The influence of their lifestyle can move you right off of your mark - if you let it. Moving either slightly left or right of that mark can lead to a path that will ruin generations for years to come. The responsibility associated with this parenting thing is awesome beyond belief. So much so that until you do it, you can NEVER know just how much so. NEVER! An outsider's perspective on this lifestyle is just that - a perspective, based on very little fact or experience. Think eye am wrong? Humph! Just you try & see.

How do eye know? Take five.


Sunday, September 17, 2006


So much for rest. Another sleepless night caught me by surprise, but not really. For the last 14 days or so 3-5 hours a night has been the average. Insomnia has a way of dominating all bodily needs & functions when emotions (Can we say prenantal hormones?) are out of sorts. My family speaks often of how this has been a key enemy ever since they can remember - since age four or five it seems. Eye chalk it up to the nightmares that have plaqued since those early years.

Lack of sleep=mentally deranged

Out of pain comes anger comes resentment. To the furthest extreme acting out often manifests, stemming from the original pain. It's cyclical & when you live with other people it can unfortunately be detrimental to their livelihood, as well. There's always a more productive way of sorting out the pain than lashing out at those around you. For this, eye am guilty at this moment.

Occasionally, my supporters write me questioning my "real talk" on this site from the perspective of my disclosing too much. In my thinking, we are all human, therefore no one can judge me. Though many can learn from my mistakes so long as eye continue to be open & honest with those who say they love me. This is just life, my friends. Popularity does not excuse this actuality.



Saturday, September 16, 2006

Sick & tired to the point of being an irate lunatic is never a good thing. Not for any of the parties involved or within earshot. Sometimes you just have to know when & where to ask for help.


Maybe a few hours of rest will make a difference. Good night...or good morning. Depends on how you look at it.


Friday, September 15, 2006


In college eye had an extremely eclectic art professor who used to get mad emotional whenever he talked about past art students. One day he told a story of students breaking into his classroom and vandilizing some of the work that he had on display. Right after he got done telling the gist of the story, he took a very dramatic pause, and out of nowhere he shouted,"THOSE BASTARDS!" Apparently, he was in the middle of a breakdown while those of us students literally fell out of our chairs laughing. That line has contributed an appreciable humor to our lives ever since.

"Those bastards" has been precisely my sentiment for most of my dealings this work day. This entertainment business sometimes feels like a noose. You better know something!

WOW! It's really happening.


Thursday, September 14, 2006

"Crack is cheap...cocaine is a hell of a drug"

Two great quotes. Two incredible artists. Sounds like it could have been one complete statement out of one experienced mouth. That said, my prayers go out to Bobby and Whitney. R.I.P Rick James.

Tonight Luther has been on my mind. The pain involved in loving a mate will bring out verses that begin like, " A chair is still a chair, even when there's no one sitting there", or " A room is still a room, even when there's nothing there but gloom." (Respect to Dionne Warwick, cousin to Whitney & Burt Bacharach). These connections run deep!

It's baffling the way that life comes and goes. He was such an influential vocalist during his time here with us, but since his transitioning, he has almost been forgotten it seems. Where are all of those women who would fill the Harpo studio screaming for Mr. Vandross as if he were interested? Perhaps they like Ursher now. Huh, bruh! One of my favorite cuts was always "There's Nothing Better Than Love" featuring Gregory Hines. Not that the tap dance champ could pump the same power from the diaphram, but he sure gave enough passion to make a difference. R.I.P Gregory Hines.


Wednesday, September 13, 2006


Happy born day, Mom!

R.I.P. Tupac Shakur

Mortality has haunted my thoughts as late. To have witnessed so many spirits come & go in the last few years has at certain moments been consciously burdening. Until my Granny passed, it seemed that the invincibility of the youthful mind kept me from being concerned with such matters. But after losing her, the central-most mainstay fiqure in all my years, the fear of transitioning from this place has become at times obsessive & compulsive. Reality strikes!

Here's to the vivacity of Act Your Waist Size! Scroll, scroll, keep scrolling...


Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Thanks to the hard work of my good friend & designer, we finally have the archives in effect. Considering there have been quite a few requests for these past musings, hopefully it will provide a little more insight into the life of the mother, wife, writer, music business executive known Enjoy! Eye sure have been. reminisce.


Sunday, September 10, 2006


Wow! So it's Sept.10.

Five years ago on this day your girl got released back into population. What a crazy weekend preceeded back in 2001. Life changing & altering in the best & worst kind of way. Saving the details for you to read in Something To Cope, which eye began writing on August 15, 2001, just know that the title was born out of this very trying situation. Give thanks to the creator for tribulation. Out of the storm came a colorful new world. Catch a glimpse of my "Welcome Home" celebration.


Saturday, September 9, 2006


Just what we've been waiting on. Just in time for "Something To Cop:Abridged From the Book, Something To Cope".



Thursday, September 7, 2006


Over & over again, eye have had to remind Self by way of misfortune that it's never wise to type my message in Blogger as opposed to a text document. Being so hurried, so much of the little time alloted for each task leads me to me cutting corners whenever possible. This can only go on for so long before the whole effort collapses as a result of constant shaving. Consider this musing a vent about the post that eye lost last night...long, juicy post.

Woe is me. Whoa is me.
Thanks for hearing.


Monday, September 4, 2006


My beloved great-uncle made an unannounced stop by our home bright & early this morning to check up on us, as a great uncle should, but also to discuss our plans for the holiday. He was no doubt hunting a cookout.

When he asked," What ch'all gon' do for Labor Day?" My response was very simply, "Labor". "You're a communist", he joked. "Just a commonist", my cute reply.

As this National (United States) holiday was originally established to extol those who contribute to this economy through regular work habit & employment, it bothers me to unveil the contradiction in that only official government employment, multi-million dollar companies and those affected by the absence of those aforementioned get the option to spend the day labor-free. Of course, the culture has changed with the growth of the economy, but in these 2000's, money is much mightier than any worker.

Gas stations, fast-food restaurants, pharmarcies - all open.
Grocery store clerks, video store help, department store staff - all working.

Who needs a day of rest from the hassles of blue-collar bull, more than the common workers? These are the penny-pincher wage-earners who would be penalized if they didn't show up to grind today - all in the name of Labor Day.

Add this tidbit from the U.S. Department of Labor website for extra sarcasm:
"The Sunday preceding Labor Day was adopted as Labor Sunday and dedicated to the spiritual and educational aspects of the labor movement."

The spiritual aspect is money worship, while the educational aspect is whether or not you have learned this yet. Huh, bruh? What's that you say, sis?

Were you fortunate enough to take this day for Self - congrats to you! If you had to mash for the rations in spite of what your calendar reads - consider it a blessing, nonetheless. Me - everyday is a work day as the entertainment industry does not readily provide for health coverage, 401K, sick days, or retirement pension. Nothing to even mention really. It's just my job!


Saturday, September 2, 2006


It just occured to me that eye have not been home in a minute. Here, my dear. Sorry for the disappearing lost in the field. Bookings are still dominating my agenda, but as everything falls in place, eye see Something To Cope on the horizon. In the meantime, Something To Cop will be available for digital download in the upcoming weeks.