Thursday, June 29, 2006
No one notified me of the Myspace friend upgrade. (Feeling old & behind...)
This is a dream come true. Now for an easier way to find the friends in mind.
"TOP FRIENDS SAVED!" So it is done. All 24. You know me. Go for the gusto...
MySpace URL: http://www.myspace.com/orianalee
Talk about addictive! Hey...Something To Cope!!! We all need something!!!
Approaching two, Magnificent has begun to explore all of the torturous temperaments that come along with the milestone. To admit that he has truly tried my patience over the last few weeks is to be real about how parenthood isn't always cute & cuddly. There are moments when my legs want to outrun my mind. When Kush (5) was an infant such a breakout (more like breakdown) occurred that sent me walking for miles early one August morning.
Those words played over and over like a scratched record. Thank goodness for sister support in that moment. Help is what eye needed! The only person that felt safe enough for me to reach out to on my wayward foot journey was my midwife. After mustering courage to phone her from the nearest pay phone, she helped turn my crisis around by referring me to a therapist not far from where eye stood. She could hear the desperation in my tone & encouraged me to act. Eye spent the remainder of my walk trying to deflate, hoping to arrive calm & collected. Though not realizing that my emotions were so far ahead of my logic, nervousness spilled over upon arrival. What happened next was the cornerstone for what would later be a suicide attempt. Still, it's what had to happen in order to turn my life around.
Please understand that what has clinically become known as Postpartum Depression really does exist. Women-refrain from talking yourself through such emotions. Tell someone. Get help. Men-refrain from dismissing erratic behavior during such periods. Love her. Help her. Encourage her to speak to someone qualified to guide her through. This is a very scary place for her, more than you could ever imagine.
As eye digress...
Mags has developed the "why's" earlier than any of the others. It's so pitiful, but still soooo sweet. He pouts, lowers his eyes, & then wines in the babiest voice, "Why?" This goes on until he tires, so we can do one of three things:
1. choose to keep repeating the same answer
2. build upon the previous answers with supporting reasons
Guess which eye choose today...
But still, there is no other job that would bring me more joy & fulfillment. That's real! It's been nine years since punching a clock & there is nothing to be desired about that lifestyle - for me, at least. My husband has been true to his commitment to keep me at home. Working hard nonetheless, but far away from the rat dropping.
"YOU'RE A GOOD MAN!" (see his journal)
So we're back at the community center each week. Some of you may remember the tales from Spring '05 at McCabe. Kana & Kush are enrolled in a theatre class at Sevier this time. Boy...they are getting a real dose of hardknocks. Those of you who ever had to go to "the center" for summer break know exactly what goes along with that. If you have never had this experience, know that it's an intense aspect of ghetto culture that you just have to witness.
(ABOVE:The diversified photo-op version of the center clientele.)
In the (cable) tv/ (broken) computer room there stands a trash receptacle with a sign taped on the front:
"DO NOT PUT ANYTHINK IN HERE"
On the table a craft resembling a championship wrestling belt that reads:
"FOOLZ BALL CHAMPION"
Took me a sec to make the association for that one. Not making fun, it tickled to see
nuisance reminders of my upbringing. You just don't see things like that in "White America". It's not humorous to see them in the hood either, just nostalgic. What did irk me was that cable programming would be wired to the center, while the computers sat as a resting place for unwanted papers. Even playing computer games would be more engaging & stimulating than sitting up in front of the Disney channel. Metro needs to get it together. Really! We're long past the 60's, yet our youth are still doing without equitable means.
"Who to blame?"
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Children's books are piled so high on my desk that they are now toppling. The Nashville Public Library Summer Reading Program is in full effect. The ones before me have been read & need to be be logged into the reading datatbase. This marks Kana's 6th year entering & over the course of her precocious literary career, she has already mastered the art. She has visited many countries. Many cultures. Through books. "Little Nane" is SHARP!
Friday, June 23, 2006
"10,000 angels to the left of me.
10,000 angels to the right of me.
Who can harm me."
What wonder has transpired this day! Life is far from perfect. But my knowing is that this is the top, nonetheless.
What has become of quality & equitable black-on-black service? From the fish house to the hot chicken shack, teen lawnmower service to graphic design firm, customer satisfaction seems to be a limited concept anymore.
It never used to be the way - you know? Like in our grandparents generation (those 25+). Patrons were greatly respected in the barbershops, beauty shops and service stations (Clarksville Highway Service Center), common black businesses years back. Is there a Code of Black Professional Ethics that we never got schooled on? Primarily my generation, but stemming from the baby-boomers.
Main Entry: 1ser·vice
Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French, from Latin servitium condition of a slave, body of slaves, from servus slave
Listening to: "Doomsday", MF DOOM
"Able to drop today's math in the 48 keys of life" (Ref. please???)
Tuesday, June 20, 2006
The temperature - stifling here in the Music City today. Heat index soaring off the chart. Must have been at least 110, conservatively. The ever aching, convulsing & changing body of a pregnant woman does not welcome summer weather as anxiously as her fun-loving mind. Sun is father, but not friend. Air as subtle comfort in these moments. Turn that thermostat control way, waaayyy down. Please. In about 7 months all of this will be over. (No matter how much eye repeat this, it's hardly aiding my sick & tired frustration with this Hypermesis Gravidarum. Said to be rare, it has haunted me throughout every single pregnancy.
Consider these past couple weeks without my musings a US agricultural drought (the longest ever in blog history!) This mating season proved itself fruitful, yet as emotionally unproductive. Working some of those sick, "system" kinks out. It really is true that one does not come up in this society being well. Everyday in consciousness is a step closer to wellness. Writing=medication.
It is the marriage of the soul with Nature that makes the intellect fruitful, and gives birth to imagination.
-Henry David Thoreau
Tuesday, June 6, 2006
Monday, June 5, 2006
What a wild wacky ride this day has manifested! Anyway...
Shouts to Pigeon John & Tre Hardson putting it down in the Cash tonight. Maybe baby woes keep me away from the intimate festivities. Still reppin' in spirit & truth. Count on a solo mission.
Our housing situation has come to a crossroad at the pit. Believe what you hear about record company industry rule 4080. Rather than submit to the politricks, choose the Ani Defranco route. All it takes is a lot of talent & a little dough. That's it, really. If you have the skills, who can stop you? The only thing that can slow you down is a lack of funds. Bullets are the only other antagonist.
For the first time in quite a while, work opportunities have afforded me the challenge of writing across disciplines simutaneously. Free & clear to boring & binding; scholastic essays to verse then copywriting. However tedious, expect victory. It would be arrogant to attempt to tame the dream. Writing was my vision. It's my duty to face it however it comes. Eye only ask that you send up a few words of comfort in the meantime. Most of these projects are approaching the eleventh hour. Whoa, Milly!
...(Off to play "Lord Help Me")
Sunday, June 4, 2006
Never mind that Black music dominates the charts each week of the year. No matter that the most substantial contributions in music history have come by way of African decent. (Think:Drums) Somehow, the American-African contribution mostly ends up reduced in a short, but concentrated period of time for recognition (i.e. Black History, Black Music, Kwanzaa), mainly pruning the true significance.
Of course, Dr. "Malauna" Karenga certainly had the best of intentions with Kwanzaa (originally Kawaida). No disrespect - at all. Thank you for your radical nature, Doc. It just seems minimizing to only demand focus one week of the year on African principles, seeing as spirituality at large stems from the cradle of civilization. We are going to have to move forward with like practices if we ever intend to restore any of the original harmony razed during the MAAFA. 30 years ago he took this leap in the right direction. Hiphop generation - Won't we demand our just due? But, hey...preaching to the choir...right?
Words escape me. Trying to articulate how quickly my image of this great rock icon has been shattered in light of a schooling that eye just received on his personal history...man...does it taint the reverence. More when the verbiage comes. Let it not denote the artistic endowment. Today the genesis of my indepth study into the life of the man self-proclaimed as the "architect of Rock n Roll", born Richard Wayne Penniman.
Thursday, June 1, 2006
Downloaded Prince's 1999 in recognition of my 1999 MySpace friends from iTunes just now. We're nearing My millineum & if it's proves itself anything like the past living six, we are in for a beautiful adventure together - as friends.
Got to see it at 1974 and 1988 earlier, both exceedingly remarkable years in my life. A phenomenal 24 hours & counting...